The House From Hell (Part 1 of what I know will be a thousand)...

I've got my In-Laws in town... for the holidays... well, yes and no.  They weren't going to come to Texas, until the insurance adjuster told them they need to replace the ceiling, part of the kitchen, two bathrooms and a bedroom.

You see, my partner, K, rents her parent's house... kind of... they don't have a "rental agreement" on paper, she just makes the house payment for them, while they abandoned the house (and apparently all the problems) on K.  Her parents knew this house was in terrible shape - and a lot of it was because they are DIY'ers.

For those who don't know... DIY = "Do It Yourself".

Oh sure... the house insurance was planning on paying for everything that needed to be repaired but the parents figured they'd have shitload of cha-ching left over if they, you know... DIY'd the whole frinkin' project(s) (again).

K actually stood up to her mother and father, who live out of state, when she heard they were going to do the job themselves, "to save on labor costs".  K told them that she wants the job done right, not "put together with duct tape and spit!"  WTG, baby! - Finally!!  But they are still doing the job, and they are still "cutting corners", both figuratively and literally (they are armed with a sawzall (reciprocating saw) - scary!).

Here's the thing... well, one of the things... there are several things!  But here is the list of things that has me fuming:

Thing 1)   K's uncle (her dad's brother) is the one they rely on to do the repairs but he only puts band aides on things - never repairs them.  When he does repair something... like that leaky pipe that we asked him to fix last year... he cut two oddly shaped, oblong holes in our first story ceiling... right above the very limited kitchen counter space, where I do my cooking... the only place where I CAN do cooking (the space is truly that limited).  Did I mention that this house has rats??  Yup, and despite the mega bucks we have spent on exterminators, we can't keep them out because there are literally 100's of small and large holes the parents and uncle has made throughout the house - and we can't get the uncle, who made the holes, over here to patch them up, blah- blah- blah!.  So, these rats live in between the rafters of the first and second floor... and the poop from these rats can fall onto my counter tops (that is, now that there are giant holes right there)... did I also mention that these two particular holes in my kitchen ceiling have been here since FEBRUARY of 2011??  I have them covered with garbage bags tacked to the ceiling.  We have been trying to get her uncle over here to fix his "handy" work but he never comes.  BTW - These holes are NOT  the ONLY holes he has made and ignored that cause major problems... he has also cut out a seven 7-inch by 4-foot section of the bedroom wall in April to repair a separate leak that has been occurring (that they ALL have been told about) for THREE YEARS now.  And he still failed to fix the leak!!  It was when I asked K to tell her parents that if they don't fix this now - the "upstairs" will soon be the "downstairs" cuz the upstairs guest bathroom will be in the fricking kitchen downstairs!!  (That was about 7 months ago - and HERE WE ARE... nothing but the best for us!  And people wonder why I sing Tom Petty's lyrics, "the waiting is hardest part"!

Bedroom wall.  PS:  This is NOT the uncle - its the plumber. 

Bedroom wall

This is my dining room leak - above the hole is the bedroom where the plumber is working.  The stuff on the cabinets... moldy ceiling chunks!  The dark thing in the hole is the bathtub.  This leak is right on the divider wall of the bedroom and the guest bathroom.  BTW - you may be asking yourself WHY the cabinet sticks out further than the kitchen wall... Answer:  "Master Carpentry".

The uncle's handy work.  Not the garbage bags - that's me... he STILL has not fixed these holes!  (And in case you are wondering... the genius cut the drywall right up to the cabinets (that are buckled and falling).

better shot of the buckled shelves

The light at the bottom is the hole downstairs.  I thought this was an interesting angle.

 Did I also mention that this brilliant uncle (the hole king) is a HIRED "handyman".  After seeing his "handy work" (and especially after I loudly protested about crossing colored wires on our 20 year old A/C unit that keeps burning out the "makeshift" capacitors)  I personally wouldn't let him change a frickin' light bulb in the house but K says it's free labor.  Yup, it's true - ya get what ya pay for all right!  It amazes me how some people who have a power drill and a bucket of screws all of a sudden become contractors.  And the more tools they accumulate, the more they think they know.

 Thing 2:  When we have issues that require someone to come out ASAP, like no A/C (we live in South Texas where it's 90° in November!) it takes him a week or two... or never... to come out here.  But this time around... now that the brother is in town... they have the whole damn family over here, LITERALLY.  It's always like that when the brother comes.  It was when the bible-thumping Grandmother knocked on my door last night to "help" that I immediately went into panic mode... I'm actually surprised she considered entering the house of the "unholy" ( Did I mention that I am gay?)  Maybe she doused the house with holy water while sacrificing a chicken when I wasn't looking.  This hypocritical woman only likes those who are "BLOOD" related... even though half of her grandchildren (K included) are of a previous marriage.  She spoiled the hell out of K's younger brother though - the "Golden Child" cuz he's "BLOOD!!"  I'll give the ol' bitty credit though, during the holidays when she knows the "others" (non-blood grand-kids) are coming over for holiday dinner (Thanksgiving  / Christmas) she drags out and dusts off one or two  pictures and half-halfheartedly places them on a table, then, when everybody leaves, they go back in the closet.  (This is actually true too, one tends to notice those things when one pays "unscheduled" visits.  Ahhh, unconditional love and blah-blah-blah... no passing judgement there, right Grandma??  Very CHRISTAN indeed!!

Anyway - (sorry, ADD again)

So I've got the Dad, the mom, the grandpa, the grandma, the uncle... Oy!!  NONE of them are organized, and all of them are "masters" of carpentry...  NOT!!  They keep changing their plans... for the sake of TIME.  Let's move the cabinets, let's not move the cabinets.  Let's re-tile the shower, lets put in a tub surround, let's tile.  "We don't need to replace the entire piece of sheet rock... just cut around the warped, wet, moldy spots" - (THAT ONE THEY ALL AGREED ON!!)  Let's not replace the moldy, rotted floors, just use Kiltz - Yeah - it'll cover up the smell too!"

(I am not making this shit up!!)

They allowed themselves 8 days to do this job.

Plenty of time... if you have a plan.  Not at all... if you keep changing the plan.  However, their work day (two days so far) consisted of:
Day 1:  8:00am - 9:00am work - leave for two hours - come back work for one hour - go to lunch at 12:30 - come back at 4:15 - work till 6:30 pm - done for the day.

Day 2:  Start at 8:30am - leave at 9:00am.  Come back, work till 1:30pm - break for lunch - come back at 4:25 ( I watched a 2+ hour horror movie in this time frame) - come back - work until 5:55pm - done for the day.

And JUST NOW, the dad says to me as I am typing this, "Were a little behind schedule"
- Yeah... it's a fricking wonder!

Did I ALSO mention that they are squeezing in Thanksgiving during this time??  See, as I mentioned before, they hadn't planned on coming for any holidays, but this work needs to be done, and "them" being the "efficient" working machines as they are with their time management and mastery skills of construction, they are going to kill as many birds with as many stones as they can apparently throw!

God help the bird population... and the human population too cuz their AIM is as OFF as their time management capabilities!! Case in point:  About an hour ago, the grandpa put a 24" screwdriver through the second story floor, which happens to also be my kitchen ceiling (yes the one with the rat poop issue) and that hole is conveniently located directly above my stove! When I asked "why" - he said he wanted to know where he was at above, from below.  When I asked, why again, he said, "just wondering".

Screwdriver.  PS:  The float tape and green board is 5 years waiting to be completed.

Again, I'm not making this shit up - the proof is in the pictures.  One has to laugh or they'd go mad!

What's one more hole, ehh?? Maybe they'll leave the screwdriver there and I can use it as another conversation piece.

 But all this is not what has me worked up today.  I am actually immune to the "quirks" of this house... I mean, ya seen one hole in the drywall, ya seen them all, right??  What I am worked up about is that they keep CHANGING THINGS - The plans with the house, the PRIORITIES on what to do next...
(MOST PEOPLE PAINT THE WALLS BEFORE INSTALLING A NEW CARPET, Most people don't use a WHOLE FIVE GALLON bucket of Kiltz on one bedroom, and most people don't Kiltz a floor that is going to be carpeted!!  They also would stop and think before removing all WORKING toilets so that, ya know, just in case something like grandma's overactive bladder or grandpa's irritable bowel syndrome decide to pay a visit while "working".

But they keep changing everything they plan discuss - so much so that even I am confused, and I'm the ONLY sane one here!  They even keep changing Thanksgiving!!  I was informed today, by the mom, that Thanksgiving is now on Friday!

(I hope someone alerted the Pilgrims).

Thanksgiving is now on Friday - That's just fricking dandy - I have to work!  I see where I stand in this pecking order... "no lezzy's at the table this year, my dear"...  Well, HA!  My wife will be there - we will not be silenced!  When I told the mom I can't make it - she just said that XXX (K's brother, the blood related golden child) is going to come but he can't make it until Friday.   I said nothing, other than, "I won't be there, I have to work."

HOLY SHIT!!  STOP the FUCKING CALENDAR EVERYONE... let's wait for the blood relatives to come to town then we ALL can resume our fucking joys!!

I'm upset because of my situation:
1) I have NO family near me - they all live in Michigan, I am in Deep South Texas.  It is too far to drive and far too expensive to fly.
2) I have a crappy hourly job (that, BTW I could have in Michigan, or anywhere else other than this God forsaken place).
3) I can't find a decent job cuz my last name ISN"T "Gonzalez, Martinez, or any other Spanish-like "ez".
4) I haven't seen any of my family in 6 years, I haven't been able to afford to go home for the holidays in over 12!
5) I took two extra days from my hourly job because these wackos do NOT pay attention while running in and out (and in and out and in and out) of my front door while "working" on the house, so I have already had to CHASE down two out of three of my labs cuz "grandpa" is oblivious to... well... EVERY FUCKING THING AROUND HIM!  I already have Thursday off ( Thanksgiving) cuz the store is closed - a fricking miracle cuz last year, they were open.  Pizza for Thanksgiving, really??

(I seriously had thought about it today though, after I was informed that Thanksgiving was being moved to Friday - Hey, I have a key).

6) I STILL have to work on Friday. (The NEW Thanksgiving Day, don't ya know!).
7) Let me get this straight... Golden Boy and his family are going to have THEIR Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday at THEIR house, then drive down Friday morning (5 hours) and have it AGAIN on Friday - Good for them!  (Hmm - DO I want pepperoni or just cheese?)
8)  I have decided that I will not go anywhere near them on Thursday - I don't give a fuck what day it is!  If they have so little regard for everybody else that ISN'T blood, then WHY would I break bread with them???  When I celebrate the day a bunch of religion fanatics exploited the Indians, (Thanksgiving) I will do it on MY TERMS!

UPDATE!!!!UPDATE!!!!UPDATE!!!!UPDATE!!!!UPDATE!!!!UPDATE!!!!UPDATE!!!!

Change of plans!!  (there's a fucking surprise, ehh?!?!)

Thanksgiving has been moved (again) to it's regualrly scheduled day... Thursday!!

(Gee - I hope the Pilgrims can make it on time).