Friday, April 29, 2011

The British Are Coming, The British Are Coming...


This means you, World!! 

Prince William & Catherine Middleton wed as Britain celebrates! 

I'm sorry, but perhaps you didn't hear me the first time, people.  I said...  


This means you, Mr. and Mrs. Tornadoes... who are plummeting the America's southern regions to ruins (and killed 318 - and still counting), 

and you too, Uganda... how dare you have death and riots at this most prestigious time on the planet.  

Hello, Tunisia - we do not have time for your foolishness when there is REAL news to report so please control your 800 escaped inmates and wait for a more appropriate time for us to tell your good citizens to lock their doors (or die)!! 


hold the presses (and the revolt) Beirut - those 42 (mostly) civilians killed in today's battle during the Syrian uprising will have to be reported (and buried) another day. 

Rejoice, oh world, rejoice!! For the most important of all events has occurred and has halted the world to a stand still!!  For NOTHING shall take precedence  in the news more than THIS truly worthy breaking story!!

What is that smell?? Is it the shit that finally hit the proverbial fan?? I don't think so -  It's the foul stench of irreverence and disdain, and this blog is proudly dripping of it!!

Ok - before you get your royal uppity undies and bloomers in an twist...

ahh, screw it, go ahead... twist away...  I am!!
   (Like I really care!)

WHY is the Royal wedding more news worthy than REAL news, and enough to knock out important stories of true substance to the world??  

You know what - You want news about the "Royal Wedding"?? Here's something interesting about the "Royal Wedding"...

The Royals had their taxpaying citizens PAY for the security for this outlandish wedding and the Queen said they (the citizens) should be pillaged... Oops!  I mean... privileged
(my bad), and  honored to have had paid for it.  (BTW, the Royals paid Two (2) million to pitch in for security (guards every FIVE (5) FEET!!) while the taxpayers tossed (arf!) in thirty-two (32) million -  WTF! 

 Talk about a royal screwing!!  

 (BTW -  do ya think the royal honeymoon... 
ahh, never mind... I must stay with my original thought.) 

That's a lot of bread for security!!  Ya know, I thought the Royals had more money than God, so WTF??  

Spoiled rotten, inbred, royal pains in the asses - 
IMHO (disclaimer  - tee-hee)

 So while some humanoids had their heads in the clouds of make believe, pretending they are marrying a monarch man-child (who probably has servants to wipe his little royal tushy for him, undoubtedly at the poor taxpayers' expenses),   

this is what they missed...

Syrian protesters defy Assad government; 42 killed 

Click here to read this REAL news story 


Over 800 inmates escape Tunisian prisons   

Click here to read this REAL news story


Japan Blames U.S. For Quake Damages

Oh wait - that's wrong!  It just sounds right because Japan blames the U.S. for everything else.

 It SHOULD read... 


Japan official: US tornadoes evoke quake damages  

click here to read this REAL news story


And for a far more interesting (and educationally stimulating) story...


Six Planets Now Aligned in the Dawn Sky 

Click here for this interesting and truly exciting news story.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot...

Just in case you were living under a rock -  


on another planet  - 


in another galaxy... 


far, far away... 


There was a "royal" wedding today.

Click this link to sum up the true story of the royal wedding, IMHO

But if you prefer something A LOT more interesting to see, look no further than below...



Not exciting enough?? 

Quick!! Call the kids in the room and watch this...



Dear Earthlings 

(and worldly news gatherers)..

Life may resume... Tomorrow!


 but for those of us who care about REAL news... 

today, we got royally screwed!




This is DaCanon... blasting off!!



Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Funny Money, anyone??

So I found a counterfeit $10.00 bill at work today.  I have no idea how long it's been there, or where it came from, but I did the right thing and got it off the streets.  I called the local PD and they sent out the nicest police officer (they do existed). 

This funny money was so obvious it wasn't even funny, well, ok, it was a little funny. 
It felt real enough, like a true bill should but that was about it.  The first thing I noticed was that the color looked a little off and I could see right through the bill.  Some of the counterfeit deterrents were also missing, although in the better interest of protecting our US currency from the "not so bright and creative", I won't share which were missing.  
Then the obvious of obvious was staring me right in the face...

 No, it wasn't the brown line from my counterfeit marker, that came later... its the green "Department of Treasury" seal printed upon the word "TEN", on the right side of the president's head.

 Now, I'm  not the "support your government no matter what" type of person (that's a major understatement) but I will admit when Uncle Sam and friends manage to do things correctly, like printing money.  

Oh sure, they've made their fair share of errors, like...

The double-die 1955 wheat penny...

 Or this 
broad-strike Barber Half-Dollar...
Images courtesy of Byers Numismatic Corp

Or even this dandy little boo-boo...

Images courtesy of Byers Numismatic Corp
Oops!!  Just a little off-center there, fellas.

 Now, the counterfeit bill I found isn't THAT extreme, but it had something that even a 2nd grader would have caught right off the bat, and especially by the boys and girls working the mint's QC sectors.  You see, the printers at the mint are quite capable of blotting their plates before a final press so that the US Treasury Department's official "seal" is flawless, after all, without a legible (IE: "believable")  seal, it is not official.  Any bill with an unreadable seal would not have made it out the building.  

This funny money had the most ink-soaked seal I have even seen on any currency of any country.  I could not read it at all, but I don't want to be hasty so... to give credit where credit is most certainly deserved...
It was a pathetic job done by a pathetic person.  

I only wish I had taken a close-up shot of the seal before the police came to confiscate the bill - we'd all have a roaring laugh, together.  I truly hope the cops catch the dumb-ass(es)... and since they already have experience in print pressing (ett-hmm)...  

they can make our frickin' license plates.  

This is DaCanon... blasting off!

Monday, April 18, 2011

Seriously, how LAZY can one be??

It amazes me how lazy some people are these days, and I don't see it getting any better, only worse.  I can't tell you exactly when it started in human life, I 'm not that old, but I am old enough to remember when certain Mcburgers didn't come in paper wraps and Pepsi came in glass bottles instead of plastic.   
Some say life was harder back then but I see it differently.  It was easier back then, even though technology was making things more convenient.  
We all have devices to make life easier. right?  We use dish washing machines, instead of washing them by hand, clothes washing machines instead of a washboard, clothes driers to (bake)  dry them in a spinning oven instead of hanging them out on a line to dry in the fresh, sun-drenched air. We even put chemically treated fibers in the clothes drier to simulate the smell of "outdoor freshness", too.  Computers can practically do anything for you these days.  I am in search of a program that will wipe my ass but I have had no such luck as of today.  Our phones - no not the land lines, the cell phones, they are even "smart".  I am sure Apple or Android will come up with a smart phone app that will wipe my ass, soon enough.

All of this technology is getting scary in that technology has made our society as a whole IMPATIENT!  Everybody wants to be ahead of everybody else - everybody MUST be first - the world is in too much of a hurry, and for what - money? Death??

Pretty soon, "death" itself is going to be too damn inconvenient for some folks. 

Instant gratification is the ONLY thing that is acceptable, anything short of that is an outrage - according to the younger generations that have been spoiled rotten (born cerca 1985 +).  YEP, probably you, too!  People don't even practice "good manners" these days, much LESS understand what that means.  I guess these parents were too busy playing Mortal Combat that they couldn't find time to teach good manners and how they should be used.  I honestly believe that my generation (born cerca 1970) is the last of the "well-mannered" generation that actually gives a shit how people are treated - we open doors for folks, we give up a seats for our elders, and we are mindful in that we SHARE this world with others.  We say, "please" and "thank you" and (get this) WE MEAN IT!! 
Now, I'm not an "old fashioned" person per se, but some of the mannerisms of people of all ages, coupled with the products out there nowadays are irreversibly endangering our society's basic survival instants.  Computers have literally dumb-downed our kids!!  They have us so dependant on computers that kids of today can't even fathom the idea of processing a thought on their own, they can't even count back proper change from a twenty dollar bill without a computer, calculator or cash register telling them what to give back. - pethetic!  Kids think that proper research means to "Google" it.   

 Most of the  "technology" that you kids enjoy now, was researched MANUALLY, long before computers.  And BTW kids:  Even the first mobile phone was invented long before the common house-hold computer. (OMG - No Way!! REALLY??)  
Yes Way!! 
Check it out here

Now, the product I want to show you hardly has much "technology" to it, but I have to mention it.   I was in the a giant "super-duper saver store"  the other day, when I passed this display:

Now, I'm all for free enterprise and the "American dream" and all the jazz that goes with it, and I will freely admit that some items of "convenience" that entrepreneurs  have invented are pretty darn cool but this?? Seriously???  What struck me odd about this display is that it was conveniently  stuck in the center isle, practically blocking the path to the vitamins, health bars and protein powders commonly used by exercise enthusiasts.  Why didn't they just stick this thing in the sporting section blocking the treadmills and exercise bikes.

Look at some of the fatties that shop at these super-duper saver stores.  You've seen them, they wear spandex to overly accentuate their muffin-tops and knee fat all while wearing spaghetti-string crop-tops so you can have further grotesque viewing of their sweaty blubber because they are sooo proud to show off the fact that they can pound back four quarter pound burgers /w cheese, pickles, onions, a super-duper sized order of french fries and suck down an extra large DIET coke in one shot... AND still have room for those chips, candy bars, sodas and cupcakes that they are probably buying with their WIC allowances paid for by John Q. Taxpayer, you know - THOSE people.

My guess is that the only exercise these super-duper shopping fatties are getting IS by bending over to wash their little piggies attached to their puff-pastry like hooves.  But now - EUREKA!!   With this handy little product, I predict all those "super-duper saver stores" are going to have to WIDEN their isles - again!